


The saddest people smile the brightest

by vorfm95



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Evak - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Soulmate AU, sort of canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-05-20 06:57:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14889774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vorfm95/pseuds/vorfm95
Summary: The soulmate bond is supposed to bring people together, to help each other when you need someone, but only knowing the darkest feelings and fears of someone makes it a bit hard to figure out who your soulmate is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to thank my friend Nat for the prompt, and apologize for writing angst yet again, but hey! I promise nobody dies in this one! As usual I gotta thank [Wyo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic) for convincing me to post it and [Mikki](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Skamzombie/pseuds/Skamzombie) and [Marie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/naescar) for encouraging me to keep writing it and reading over it.

_ The dining room was bathed in a golden light, the table had been set with his mother's porcelain tableware, the one she always used when his grandparents came home. His father was sitting at the end of the table, his mother in front of him. The silence was deafening, uncomfortable and unnatural. He was scared, something felt off, but he wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. He wasn’t sure he could even move if he wanted. His father stood up without making any noise and left under the distant look of his mother.  _

_ “Pappa?” He got up after him, following him down the dark corridor. “Dad, where are you going? Dad?” The corridor seemed to had no end. He couldn’t see anything, it was pitch black. “Pappa?” He kept running, his hands extended in front of him. He bumped into a wall, mapping it with his hands until he was able to find a doorknob.  _

_ At the other side of the door was a room full of light. His father was there, with another woman and a kid. His father never looked back, just smiled and played with the little kid. He turned back down the corridor, letting the darkness drown everything away. He run the same way he had come through and made it back to his mother. She was on the kitchen floor, the lights were off but a dim blue light entered through the window. She was crying. _

_ “Mamma?” He got closer to her, slowly not to scare her. “Mamma, are you ok?” He put his hand on her mother’s shoulder kneeling beside her. His mother turned to look at him with a harsh move and empty eyes. _

_ “You are not my son.” The words his mother said cut through his soul. She got up, pushing him away, and started screaming. “Where is he? Where is my son?” _

 

\- **☼** - 

Even woke up sweating. He was used to it by now, this kind of dreams had been frequent lately. They started last year around December, but they had been getting worse as the time passed, adding new parts to the dream. He had always known those dreams didn't belong to him, but to his soulmate. Something always felt odd about them, familiar but not quite. He _ knew _ when he felt something that wasn't his, even though it seemed like they were. Everyone talked about what they meant and how it was supposed to bring couples closer together, but no one ever mentioned how they felt. How much it hurts knowing the other person was suffering, how scared they felt and how useless you were. You couldn't know who your soulmate was, and if you didn't how could you help them? Every time Even woke up of one of those nightmares, every time he felt an irrational panic strike him, or his heart break spike for no reason, every time Even felt his soulmate hurt, his heart would shatter knowing he couldn't do anything but witness it. 

He might not know who his soulmate was, he couldn't even remember the faces of their parents from the dream, but he knew once he met them, he would do anything and everything in his power to make them smile, to take those fears away. To show them the world wasn't as scary as it seems if you had someone by your side. 

After calming his breathing and heart, taking deep breaths, he managed to look at his clock. Four twenty five. He sighed, he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep before getting up for his first day at Nissen. The dream had almost wiped it out from his head. He had been so nervous before going to bed, he lied staring at the ceiling for an hour. He even counted sheeps, though he only managed to count three before getting sidetracked. And now he was fully awake again and worried about what the morning would bring. He didn't want to think about it right now though, his soulmate was having an enough of a rough night to deal with his silly worries too. 

He jumped out of his bed cursing when his feet touched the cold floor. He stretched himself under the duvet trying to find his socks in the dark. He really should stop sleeping with his socks on. Once he finally managed to rescue them from between his sheets and put them on, he went down his bed once more. Even squinted his eyes when he finally turned the lights on. His room was quite a mess, clothes on the floor, papers all around and halfway done drawings spread on his desk. He could use the time he had to tidy up, but that thought barely crossed his mind. 

He opened his drawers one by one looking for his sketchbook –the green one. He needed that one, what he wanted to draw belonged there. He could only find the old discarded or finished ones, though. Even checked his bag afterwards, nothing there either, nor in his jacket. He was losing faith and quite sure he had forgotten it somewhere else –which would have been terrible because that sketchbook wasn't one he wanted to share with the world– but he finally found it on the floor of his wardrobe. Some of the pages had been bent under its own weight, but it was alright, at least it wasn't lost. His next mission was finding a pencil. By the time he managed to get one  –if you can call a five centimeter pencil one– he was sure he had woken up half his family. 

Almost half an hour had passed when he finally had gathered everything he needed. Even got back to his bed, throwing the duvet over his shoulders and started to pass the pages of his sketchbook until he found a blank one. He then proceeded to draw what he remembered most vividly from the dream, a woman crying on the floor. He had been doing this since the third time he had had one of those nightmares, it helped to shake the feeling of the dream, the coldness and the fear. It wasn't the only purpose though. Even wanted to remember them, these were his soulmate’s fears, what troubled him and kept him up at night. He couldn't help them  _ now _ , but he could record them and write down what he wanted to tell them, even if it were a simple line saying “I wish I could hug you right now”. One day, when they finally met he would give them the sketchbook so they would know. They would know they never were alone when they thought they were, they would know he had been always watching over them. The sketchbook was full of his soulmate's fears, but there were some of his. There were moments when he broke down and just wished there was someone by his side, someone to hug him and remind him he mattered too, that the world wasn't always so dark. In those days he would write down how he felt, he was sure his soulmate knew but he wanted to put it into words. He felt less alone that way, his soulmate felt more real, somehow closer. 

His alarm rang at half past six, forcing him to stop drawing and bringing him back to the real world. Even took his time showering enjoying the warm water over his skin, by the time he was out of the shower his skin was red and instead of having waking up he felt like going back to bed. He didn't do that, he wasn't going to start skipping classes on his first day, he could do that the next one. 

As usual Even got out of home with just enough time to catch the tram. He didn't need his mother to remind him he should wake up early if he planned to spend thirty –it wasn't thirty, maybe fifteen, but she liked to exaggerate– minutes on his hair, but she did it anyway. He screamed his goodbyes and ran to his stop, checking twice he had picked up his bag. 

The corridor was still full of people when Even got there. Old friends waving at each other after the summer, some girls hugging and screaming –definitely first years–, everyone was a blur moving from one place to another, faceless people that kept going with their lives. Someone laughed nearby, one of those laughs that makes you want to smile. It wasn't musical, there wasn't really anything that made it stand out above the others. Except it was real, a happy laugh, one of those you don't usually hear. Even followed the sound to his source, and as expected the boy laughing had the brightest smile on his face. Just as his laughter and smile the boy was beautiful, an angel with golden hair and soft features. Even felt captivated by his beauty while he watched him leave taking his joy and brightness with him. He wasn't a jealous person, but he envied his soulmate, whoever that was must be so lucky knowing how happy he was. He wouldn't wish another soulmate, Even was sure he would love his once they met, but he wished that boy’s happiness for his soulmate. 

Even got to class without any problem besides the nerves starting to creep in. It was useless after all, no one asked him why he changed schools or why had he been held back one year. He had even met a nice girl who sat with him through his Norwegian class. He was happy for that. The smiling boy kept coming back to his mind through the day, he just couldn’t forget it. 

Back in the safety of his bedroom, because even though the day had been good he had been worrying about it, he decided to draw on his green sketchbook once more. It wasn't often he shared what made him happy through the day, but sometimes he did. Last time he had written about the girl who had let him pet her huge dog. This time he wrote about the boy and how he hoped one day they could smile just like he did. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter two is here, I hope I can post regularly though I am still finishing it up.  
> Just gotta get some quiet time to write the last few chapters ;)

_He was running. He knew he couldn't stop. He couldn't go back either. He didn't want to, so he just kept crying. Fear crept into him, his heart speeding up as he kept moving. But why was he running? Was someone coming after him?_

_He stopped._

_The sound of his heart beating erratically deafening on his ears. His hands were shaking terrified of what could be behind him. He closed his eyes turning around slowly. He wasn't ready to see what was scaring him so much. Even though he didn't feel ready, he opened his eyes._

_Nothing._

_There was nothing waiting for him, or trying to kill him._

_There was no one coming after him. Why had he run then?_

_Where was he?_

_He would have screamed and called for help, but his voice wouldn't work. Why?_

_He kept walking through empty streets looking for someone, anyone, that could help him._

_But he was alone, everywhere he went he was alone._

_Not a single soul in sight._

_Just him._

-  **☼**  - 

Even woke up that night with tears falling down his face and his heart feeling like a void. He stared at the ceiling for a long time.

“If only you knew you have never been alone.” He whispered to himself.

It was already six in the morning. He wouldn't really have time for a drawing and getting ready for class, he would have to do it later. He got ready to go to school, surprising his mother and joining her for breakfast.

“Do you have plans for tonight?” His mother asked sitting in front of him, Even shrugged. “We are going out for dinner, so we won’t be here.”

“That’s ok, I will text you if I go out.” He took a sip of his coffee. He knew the look on his mother’s eyes. She was worried and about to ask him something he didn’t want to answer.

“So… Have you talked to Mikael?” _Bingo._ Even stood up finishing his coffee and grabbing his bag. “You could invite him over…”

“Bye, mum.” Even walked through the door.

“You can’t always run away from your problems, Even.” His mother insisted before he closed the door.

“But nobody can’t say I didn’t try.” He smiled at her waving goodbye once more.

Even made it to school thinking about what his mother had told him. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to Mikael or the rest of the boys. He did, of course he did. He missed them, he missed his best friend most of all. But it wasn’t that easy. He never answered their texts. At first he hadn’t felt with the energy to do it, and when he did he just didn’t know what to tell them. So much time had passed ever since that he didn’t even know how to approach them once again. It was awkward and he didn’t want to think about that any longer. Specially because he didn’t want his mind to go back to last year. It was Friday, he could call Sonja and go out or something. They hadn’t really go out together alone since they broke up, but they had been texting. She might have plans he could just join.

He saw the smiling boy once more. This time he wasn’t smiling, he was fighting with his locker. He still looked gorgeous, his golden curls hidden under a snapback and a frown on his face as he kept punching the door. Even could almost hear him curse.

“Even,” Even turned around immediately feeling as if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Sana was looking at him with a smirk, he prayed she hadn’t seen his smile. “Are you coming to the _kose_ meeting today?”

“Um, I don't know… I–”

“Isak’s coming.” Sana smiled innocently.

“Who?”

“Isak, this tall, blond, wears a snapback, you have been ogling him…” She shrugged.

“I have not been looking at him, at anyone actually.” Even denied it.

“Well, whatever. He is a grump anyway.”

“He doesn't look like a grump.” Even regreted saying so as soon as Sana dedicated him her signature smirk.

“See you this afternoon.” Sana walked away.

“I will think about it, ok?” Even screamed at her before walking to his own class signing his name on the Kosegrouppe list on his way.

The afternoon came sooner than expected, even though Even had been stressing about it for the rest of the day. He wasn’t the only one though, he had been feeling his soulmate being upset all the afternoon too. It was about to change, at least for him. He walked in spotting Sana and immediately after Isak. He walked to the girls first to introduce himself. He saw Isak looking at him, well at them. He tried to play it cool and hide a smile that threaten to show under the boy’s attention. Even sat a few rows behind waiting for the perfect moment to introduce himself.

He had decided to take his chance during the exercise, planning on being right beside the boy on the circle Vilde had asked them to do. He turned to smile at him but Isak wasn’t there anymore, in his place was a small blonde. Even would have felt sorry for the disappointed look he must have given the girl, but his mind was too busy tracing a back up plan to get to meet Isak. He followed Vilde’s instruction locking his hand with the person in front of him and then proceeding to untangle themselves without letting go. It was quite impossible but somehow eventually they managed, and during the chaos and the laughs he took the opportunity to run to the toilet.

Even had lost all hope of finding Isak by then, he would have probably go back home. He sighed washing his hands with the intention of doing exactly the same when someone got out of one of the toilets. Even looked at the mirror to check and was delighted to find that the boy was no other than Isak. He kept his face neutral as he took a tissue to dry his hands. He needed to come out with an excuse to introduce himself. Something that would make him laugh, that would be a good first impression, right? Besides he would hear his laugh again, and if it was half as beautiful as he remembered it will have him dreaming of it the rest of his life. Even hadn’t said anything or come out with anything to say for that matter when he realized he had emptied the container. _Fuck_. Isak was looking at him with a confused look. He dried his hands and face trying to win some more time, and hating himself for being a disastrous idiot. Okay, he had to play it cool.

“Did you also need a tissue?” He wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

That’s exactly the opposite of how he would have written two lovers meeting each other, on a toilet bathroom with an stupid line. Now Isak would run away and never come back or talk to the creepy toilet guy. Even offered Isak one of his used –and already discarded– tissues. One thing he knew for sure, Isak would never forget him. It was exactly for the opposite reason he would have wanted, but at that moment he would take anything. To his surprise Isak actually took the tissue. Maybe he wasn’t such a lost cause? Or maybe Isak was too shocked to react. Whatever the reason he had nothing to lose.

“Come outside.” He said taking the joint from his ear in a last attempt to get Isak’s attention. The joint might help him to stop making a fool of himself. At least he wouldn’t care anymore.

Isak surprised him once again when he showed up and sat right beside him on the back of the bench.They talked and joked. Well, Even made a dick joke and Isak was too polite not to laugh. Even didn’t complain about that though, he was right his laugh was beautiful. Even was really enjoying being with him. His heart tightened uncomfortably when he asked about why he transferred in his last year. He had come out with an excuse way before the first day, but right then he couldn’t remember it. Luck seemed to be on his side because a brunette showed up asking to pair up with Isak. Thinking it through, that wasn’t really lucky, it was shit. She wanted to pair up with Isak, as did he, it was the perfect excuse to get to know him.

“I thought we were in a group together?” Even answered before Isak could say anything. He actually looked relieved.

“Yeah. I had.. Kind of agreed to be in a group together with…” Isak faked a cough. “with…” He coughed again. Shit, he hadn’t introduced himself. If he wasn’t trying to get rid of that girl, he would have totally facepalmed over his stupidity.

“Even.” He shook the girl’s hand.

“Emma.” She answered with a sad and disappointed look. He couldn’t say he felt bad about it, it was either her or him, but he could understand her. Isak was charming. “I am sure we could be three…” Emma tagging along wasn’t in his plans so he insisted but trying to look unbothered by it, thankfully Isak played along. He was sure that girl already hated him but he couldn’t care less. As much as she couldn’t care less about the uncomfortable mood he had brought with her because she just sat beside Isak forcing them to share the joint with her too. She had completely ruined the moment. If his disappointment and annoyance wasn’t enough, he could feel his soulmate’s one adding up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am so sorry for taking so so long. I sort of quitted the fandom but I wanna finish this, I am trying but my work has me swallowed up and probably will for a while longer. I love my job so I am actually enjoying it all even though it kills my free time.
> 
> Just so you know I am commited, half of the story is already written and the other half is planned, I don't want to update all at once or to commit to update every week because I know I can't keep up with that... I am not as inspired by skam as I used to be and most of the time I update I feel disappointed at my work and the reach it has... So right now I am mostl writing this because I blanked on my original story... and I feel like I owe you and myself and ending, because I need to prove myself I can end shit.
> 
> And after that annoying rant that I hope you totally ignored, please enjoy and if you do maybe leave a comment?

_ The boy smiled at him, looking at him. He smiled back and walked towards him sitting right beside him. The other boy was so beautiful he couldn't believe it was real. Specially not when said boy leaned in looking at his lips, he didn't thought it twice and closed the small space between them. Kissing him. _

 

-  **☼**  - 

Even woke up confused. Feeling terrified for no apparent reason. What was that? He had been having a nice dream. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't the one feeling all that. The fear and loneliness, even the confusion, wasn't his own. But it still made no sense for him, it was a nice dream. Why would anyone be scared of it? Was the dream his or his soulmate's? Even cover his eyes with his hands and groaned. He felt so frustrated, not because he couldn't tell which of his feelings were actually his and which weren't. Not even for the constant nightmares and second hand anxiety. The frustration was towards the soulmate connection, he hated it. What’s the purpose on having a soulmate if you can’t find them. 

He also felt bad because he had been too busy trying to get to know Isak and forgetting about his soulmate. Even really wanted to find them but it was so hard, how was he supposed to find someone who felt lonely? He couldn’t just go asking everyone he met. He had considered it, though. Even knew that technically he wasn’t doing anything wrong, but he felt like he was betraying his soulmate. If he had thought Isak could have been his soulmate things would have been different, but he knew he couldn’t be. Isak was too different to what he knew of his soulmate. Isak was confident and bright, lighting a room wherever he went making everyone laugh, while his soulmate was insecure and dark, tormented by his own thoughts. This didn't mean Even didn't love his soulmate, he did, and he wanted to make sure he would never feel this way again, but that wasn't easy. Maybe Isak wasn't really his soulmate, but Sonja hadn't been either. He just wanted to know him better, not change them, Isak was a person easy to be around. 

They hadn't met much after Kosegruppa, a couple of times on the corridors, but every time, Even had end up smiling or laughing. Vilde had assigned them next day’s snack for the revue –that was the only way they managed to convince her to take Emma from their backs– so they were going to meet after class and make some cookies. Even was thrilled about it, he would get to spend the whole afternoon just with Isak. His mother had told him she was gonna go out so she wouldn't bother them. Even was quite excited, and he wasn't going to let his soulmate sour mood dump his.

After his classes ended he waited for Isak to go buying what they needed for the cookies. They took longer than they needed on the store, Even had tried to buy beers but he had forgotten his ID and his charm didn't impress the woman at the cashier. At least Isak seemed to enjoy the show because he kept laughing and telling him he had no game at all. Even had to admit he was a bit rusty, but he wouldn't tell Isak that. 

They got home laughing. Even was taking of his shoes when he heard some banging and clatter noises coming from the kitchen. He frowned confused. 

“Hello? Mum?” He asked signaling Isak to get in. 

“Kitchen.” 

“What are you doing here?” Even asked a bit annoyed about his plans being ruined. “Weren't you going out?”

“Yes, but Regine called, her husband offered his house for a work dinner after they had issues with the restaurant. And you know she can't cook to save a life,” Even nodded well aware of her mother's best client story. “so she asked me to cook a last-second dinner. Are those eggs?” His mother took the bag he was carrying ignoring Isak.

“Mamma, those are for the cookies!” Even took the eggs from his mum smiling, Isak was looking at them from the door. 

“You don't need a dozen eggs for some cookies.” She took them.

“Whatever.” He sighed. “Why can't you cook at her house? How are we supposed to make cookies now?” Even pointed at the kitchen in shambles with ingredients and pans all over. 

“You can’t cook fish were you are having dinner, don’t you know how that smells? Can't you do them tomorrow?” His mother looked at him with an apologetic look. “I am sorry, dear…” Even was distracted for a second by the increasing feelings of guilt and jealousy coming from his soulmate. He turned to look at Isak's fond smile which only proved his theory right. “I will cook them tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” He agreed sighing and kissing her cheek. “We are gonna hang out then.” He took Isak from the shoulders and turned him around pushing him back to the door. “Bye, mum. Love you!” He could still feel unsettling guilt on his stomach.

“Have fun, kids!” 

Isak waited until they were back on the street to say anything.

“Why did we run away?”

“She is not used to cook without having scullions to help.” He just shrugged knowing how his mother would always ask him to help her around the kitchen. “I wasn't forcing you to suffer that.”

“Actually you are probably saving your mother some trouble.” Isak laughed, it might be stupid for Even to think so, but Isak's laugh was still the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. “I am a disaster on the kitchen.”

“Really, I wouldn't have guessed.” Even smiled starting to lead the way. 

“So now what?” Even grinned but said nothing else until they got there. 

The store was still open, it was small and old, it had been there since Even could remember. The shop window was half covered with a fish theme painting, and you could barely see anything from the inside. Even had been there more than a thousand times, never really to buy –except for that one time they got a little rabbit to take care between all of them until Mutta had got caught and they had to find a new owner for it, and that's how they met Sonja– he and his friends just wandered around looking at all the cute animals in there. Isak looked at him confused. 

“A pet shop?” 

“Yes, I came here often. You know the little animals always bring out a smile.” He shrugged. “Besides I have a lot of free time.”

“You are a weirdo.” Isak shook his head being the first one to get in the shop anyway. 

The owner looked at them and greeted Even by his name, making Isak chuckle and roll his eyes. They walked through the small shop, starting for the hamsters and rabbits. Even looked at Isak tapping softly on the glass of every box, and laughed when Isak pulled his tongue at one of the chinchillas when it just snuggled deeper on his little house and ignored him. 

Isak's brightness only grew wider once they got under the bluish light of the fishes area. He started pointing at fishes saying their names and some fun fact about them, Even was endeared. 

“Did you know fishes aren't actually stupid?” Isak asked him with shiny eyes, Even shook his head prompting him to continue. “It has been proved they communicate and remember each other.” Isak smile reflected on the aquario’s glass, and that was Even was truly looking at when he spoke again. “Look this is a Pleco, they...” Even looked at the ugly dark fish Isak pointed, but his mind was drifting towards the growing homesickness he started feeling. It started small, a tiny pang of missing his home, missing the warmth and the happy memories lived there, memories that he didn't have. This feelings, yet again, weren't his own. The feeling morphed in guilt, and as well as the homesickness it started small, a little fear of not doing enough, not helping enough, not working enough. Not  _ being  _ enough. Growing until it became a choking feeling in his lungs, a reminder that he indeed wasn't enough. That he gave up. He stopped trying. He run away and never looked back. “I am pretty sure we had more than one Lea, but is not like my parents would tell me they substituted my fish, you know.” Isak's laugh and smile brought him back to the present. He seemed happy, looking fondly at the fish. Even couldn't find a trace of that sickening feeling in his heart, and he would hate himself for it later but he felt disappointed. Even would never wish anyone the pain of his soulmate, and he would never wish a different one, but he had wished for Isak to be his soulmate. But he wasn't. 

“Why would you buy such an ugly fish?” He said trying to focus on the conversation instead on losing himself on feelings and thoughts. 

“They are useful fishes, they eat alages so they basically clean themselves.” Isak shrugged. 

“What a weird kid. Kids want flashy colours and pretty things, not useful.” Even shook his head. “That thing is hideous, something from a nightmare.”

“Stop insulting my fish, Even.” Isak glared at him.

“Will you fight for its honour?” Even hold his gaze.

“With my life.” Isak's serious tone broke on a laugh and stopped staring, to look back at the fish’s tank.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! 
> 
> First of all I owe you an apology. I promised to keep working in this an posting and I didn't do it. I almost forgot about this story, not really, from time to time it would pop up into my mind. But my live have been hectic the last few months. I don't wanna bore you too much but you deserve a little explanation. As I said my job had me drowned but I loved it so it was fine, a few months after that I lost my job, I work in the animation business as a producer, there was a halt in the production so I had nothing to do. My boss was as upset as I was, that was a blow to lose my first job so my motivation paid for it. Anyway it didn't last long, an old co-worker (he left the studio a bit earlier than me) called me and offered a job. So I moved and started a new job with way more responsabilities so as you see I have been busy. 
> 
> I won't bother you anymore please go read and thank you to the people who comments if it weren't for you I wouldn't have come back today. If I hadn't found them in my inbox it wouldn't have gave me the motivation and reminder for it.

_ He hadn't been there in a long time, he felt nervous and scared of what he might found inside. The door looked just like it had always done, with the board that held their names. He took a deep breath pushing the panic growing in him to the back of his mind, and opening the door.  _

_ The corridor at the other side was dark, the room was covered with a thick layer of dust. It looked abandoned and uncared for. He swallowed hard bracing himself to whatever awaited him. He wanted to call for his mother, but he could barely move, let alone speak. The darkness seemed to be alive, looking at him, waiting for him. It was more than unsettling, it was absolutely terrifying. He took a small step inside the room, almost expecting the floor to collapse and the shadows to swallow him whole. Nothing happened. He dared to take a few more steps into the corridor, walking towards the living room he knew was there but couldn't see. He was breathing heavily until he got to the entrance of the room swallowed in darkness.  _

_ “You left me too.” A voice cried inside. “You left me to rot in here alone.” He was crying. He couldn't see the woman but he would recognize his mother's voice everywhere. He wanted to apologize, to make an excuse, but his voice wouldn't come out. “You never came back and now is too late.” His mother sobbed. He swallowed his fears and walked inside the room, his mother needed him. He had been a coward before, this time he would be brave. For her.  _

_ He couldn't see anything. He could barely see his hands in front of himself. The darkness was heavy and cold. It was enveloping him, choking him. He turned around, he needed to go out. He needed to run away. He couldn't be there. This was too much. He couldn't save her. Not then, not now. He run to the door but she was there. A woman with long dirty hair and a teared down dress looking at him. Looking through him.  _

_ “You are going to leave me again.” _

 

-  **☼**  -

Even woke up in a cold sweat and with his heart racing. This had been one of the worst nightmares he had ever had. His breathing was all over the place, and he could feel tears still running down his face. 

“What the fuck.” He turned on the light of his room, trying to gather his thoughts and calm down. 

It took him a few long minutes to stop shaking and make sense of the dream. This time he could see the woman perfectly, the pain in her eyes, the loneliness in her face,  the sadness in her voice and most of all the fear in her words. He got out of his bed, his heart still beating with the joined fear and pain of his soulmate and his own, to do what he always did after a nightmare. Drawing. This time the face of the woman. It wasn't even three am when he started and it took him hours to finish it with the detail level he wanted. He was certain he would recognize her if he saw her walking on the street, and he wanted to make sure he didn't forget her. It was a step closer to find his soulmate. He was aware that the name of his soulmate had appeared at the door, but he couldn't read it, he just new that was their name. 

This time Even didn't know what to write to comfort his soulmate, he could feel them still shaken from the dream but it wasn't as unnerving as it had been, but he felt his words would be useless. He couldn't comfort them if he didn't know what had happened. Why did they left? Why didn't they come back. He left the sketchbook aside leaving his questions and words for another time. 

He spent even longer than usual in the shower, trying to think in what to say but his head kept drifting away and imagining different stories of why his soulmate left. It wasn't until he got back to his bedroom and saw the messages on his phone that he remembered he was supposed to have breakfast with Sonja. He rushed to get dressed answering her that he would be there. 

Sonja was already waiting for him at the cafe, she had ordered for both of them. It used to be one of the things that annoyed him when they were together, she didn't give him the chance to chose. It didn't bother him that much today, he was tired of a sleepless night and starving. Also she had ordered him coffee and a croissant so it was a pretty nice breakfast. Sonja waved at him when he saw him arrive, she smiled brightly. Sometimes he missed being with her, she was very beautiful, inside and out, and caring. Maybe too caring. Even though, he was really grateful for still having her in his life, specially after losing all his other friends. She had stayed, and it wasn't like Even had been any nicer to her, but Sonja had just refused to give up and in true Sonja-fashion she hadn't allowed him the space he asked for. She just gave him the one he needed. 

“Good morning, Ev.” Sonja smiled at him when he sat in front of her. “I thought you would be hungry so I went ahead and ordered.” 

“You were right.” He smiled at her, usually she wouldn't have commented on it but Even supposed their last argument and break up was still making this a bit awkward. So he decided to ignore it and just take the gesture as a nice detail. 

“How are your classes?” She asked after a while in silence. He could feel her observing him closely, feeling unsure of how to act. 

“Even more boring than last year.” Even sighed. It was true, they hadn't arrived to the parts he had missed so he knew most of it by now. It didn't help he didn't have his friends to mess around with him. “But I am doing alright, I guess. I met a few people.” He shrugged. 

“That's great!” Sonja said honestly. 

“What about you? How is your work doing?” 

“Well, it's not ideal but I don't hate it. I am still trying to find some as a model, you know, but I think I can get a promotion at the store.” She took a sip of her drink afterwards buying herself some time. “And how are  _ you _ doing?” Even looked up seeing the concern on her eyes. 

“I am doing fine, seriously. I have been really good, actually I had a lot of fun yesterday with Isak.” He assured her. 

“You look like you haven't slept, at all.” 

“Ah! Yeah…” Even noded. “It was just a nightmare.”

“Yours?” Sonja knew about his soulmate troubles better than anyone. They had been together for a long time even though both of them knew they weren't each other soulmates, but they loved each other and as Sonja had said: _ “you can't know if your soulmate will also be your love interest.”  _ So they had stayed together until they realized they weren't as good for each other as they had thought. 

“No.”

“You still have no clue about them?” She seemed to be thinking hard about something. 

“No… Well, now I know their mother's face… but that is pretty much all.” Even shrugged. 

“This soulmate thing is too complicated, couldn't it just be a name on your wrist or something… How are we supposed to find anyone like this?” She complained making him laugh. 

“Maybe we should post an advertisement on the newspaper.”

“Ev, honey, no one reads newspapers anymore.” Sonja said rolling her eyes. “I will try with tinder, I am gonna write: 'looking for someone with a terrible fear of dogs.’ What do you think?”

“You will find him, no doubt. There can't be many people who fear dogs, can there?” Sonja laughed. “So… who is that Isak then?” Sonja’s smirk was all what he needed to know that she could read through him. Even blushed and tried to shrug it off, play it cool, but she still looked at him knowing what he thought better than himself.

They stayed talking for another hour before Even offered to walk her home. It was in the opposite side to his home but he wanted to walk, to think. They hadn't talked about anything important, but being with Sonja had reminded him that there was nothing wrong in him having feelings for Isak, maybe he could give it a chance. He wanted to give it a chance. The only issue now was: did Isak feel the same?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who is back again! I hope I didn't make you wait much this time around ^.^ So here you go a brand new chapter. 
> 
> I hope the next one doesn't take much to come either. I hope you enjoy it!

_ He was at another party and he had long lost his friends. So he was alone when the pretty girl came to him, flirting and smiling sweetly. _

_ He was kissing her before he realized how that even happened. It was a nice kiss.  _

_ The girl was sweet and taller than him, making him go into his tiptoes and throw his arms around her neck to reach her lips.  _

_ Her hands were big and strong holding him against the wall as she pressed her lips against his.  _

_ Soon enough the kiss turned more heated, tongue against tongue, hands running up and down, and he could feel his pants uncomfortably tight.  _

_ It was the best kiss he had ever had.  _

_ He opened his eyes smiling brightly at the girl. But there wasn't a girl anymore. His kisser was a boy.  _

_ He stepped backwards shaking his head and closing his eyes.  _

_ This wasn't right.  _

_ He couldn't kiss boys.  _

 

-  **☼**  -

Even had been thinking about his dream all day, finally understanding why his soulmate had been worrying about in that other dream. He knew well enough that feeling of confusion and distress, of being forced to face everything you had been avoiding, to decide if there's something wrong with you or not, and what it all means to you. Even knew how hard it was to accept it even if you knew there is absolutely nothing wrong. He hoped his soulmate got the same support he did. He hoped he was braver than him about it. Even though he understood better now, he was really happy about this revelation, he had never cared if how his soulmate identified, but now…. Now at least he knew he was a boy. 

Which meant… it could be Isak. 

That brought his mind back to the present. Isak, he was looking for Isak. An annoyed and guilty feeling starting to cloud his mind, but he shook the feeling away focusing on looking for the blond boy. Even looked around until he finally spot him sitting on the window with three other boys. A curly haired boy was apparently arguing with Isak, but Even didn't get to hear why.

“Hey!” Even said throwing Isak his snapback. Isak looked shocked to see him. “You forgot this on Friday.” 

Isak was trying to keep his face calm but his eyes showed as much fear as Even was feeling right now. 

“Is it yours?” Even tried knowing that for whatever reason Isak didn't want his friends knowing about last friday.

“Actually, I think is mine.” The boy with dark hair and curls said. “Forgot where?”

Even looked at Isak one more time before shrugging and walking away after saying, “In the cafeteria.” 

He still could hear the boys asking Isak, “Who was that guy?”

“Just a nerd from Vilde’s group.” Isak's answer stung. 

Maybe he had been reading Isak wrong all along. Maybe it was all in his head. Maybe it was all like last time. Like with Mikael.

 


End file.
